losing

im losing friends (i already lost them). i just realized this, and i feel stupid. i ignored all the red flags and held on to them. and its so stupid of me. ive been alone ever since months ago, years even, and i just realized it now. its been years. i always feel like im the one who needs them, and that makes me feel bad for myself. because it should goes both ways, kan?

it just hit me few days ago, i dont know what trigger my mind to suddenly feel like that but now it all started to make sense to me. it all makes sense how i can barely feel things now. ive been keeping it all by myself because i dont have anyone that i can talk with without feeling like im burdening them.

im not blaming anyone, but i just feel stupid for holding on to something that have ended, until few days ago. hahahha. i talk so highly of people who dont even care about me anymore. its always been them, ive always been proud to tell the whole world about all the loves we have (had) for each other.

why? i dont even know. we are distant right after i moved school, i even had a blogpost talking about them. BUT FFS WHY ALIA? kenapa baru sekarang sedar? thats why ure always asking validations from hilman. thats why you cant let hilman go. kan? bc hes your home and you have no one to hold on to anymore, not your friends, not even your parents.

wow thats sad and depressing lol.