entry journal #1

and on that saturday night, something in me died. the eagerness, the softness, the love, even... i told my friends that this, for some reason, hurts more than being cheated on and i havent stopped thinking about it since. this hurts. different kind. and it stings more. the sting lingers, and it stays with me. i have to make peace with the fact that if even my parents couldn’t love and care for me, why would a man, someone born of another’s womb, ever want to? right?

and making peace with that? it means killing every little hope ive ever held, piece by piece. well maybe this is the safest way to protect myself now; to stop hoping. to stop wanting things to happen. 

if this doesnt work out, this time ill just take it as a blessing in disguise. aku akan tahan sehabis baik, aku akan persetankan apa yang aku rasa dan fikir just to see if this relationship is really worth saving. oh this time i actually got a chance to prove myself! so ill use it well. im a little pessimistic, but we'll see about that :) i hope this is for the better.


monday, 4th aug, 8.10 pm.